Sry I called you an 8
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
