Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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