Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
