I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
