Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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