Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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