Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
