He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
