Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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