Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
