my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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