some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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