currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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