Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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