after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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