Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
