I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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