On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
