Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
