can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
