I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Someone signed my nipple.
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