maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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