Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
