not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
