then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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