I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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