Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
