watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
