I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
