If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
