I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
