You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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