Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The uberlube is also flammable
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
