We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
