Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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