ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
