Me too!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
a search helicopter?!
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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