you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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