I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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