i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
