I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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