why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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