just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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