Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
