Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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