the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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