You really coming over, don't trick.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Randomize
