You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
