I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
