Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
