youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
