someone get that fucking seahorse.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
